Journal: The Feelings Homecoming

> Journal Entry 15

I’ve been writing way more often lately and I have to admit that I am enjoying it more than ever. It’s quite funny how the remarks, that a couple people have that read your blog tell you, sparks the interest inside you to write yet another post. I had mixed feelings about what I should write about and even though there are constantly various things that inspire me to write and talk about things that others dare not even mention, I decided to go with a way more “deep” of a topic, rather than the classic “media is controlling you fools” kind of thing.

Needless to say by the way that, the remarks are not always positive and I appreciate that the same amount though.

So, let’s not talk about how the Netherlands like to charge you more than normal for fast food and then makes you pay for going to the bathroom as well. Let’s not talk about how marketing and ethics have no relation to each other whatsoever in this bad-weathery-forsaken country. Let’s talk about something more human. Let’s talk about feelings.

You give me the kind of feelings people write novels about

What the heck is a “feelings homecoming” you say? Well, it’s my special way of describing nostalgia. It’s my special way of describing something that is so easily said but at the same time easily misunderstood too. Nostalgia is a nice word. Nice to utter and nice to feel. Or is it? For some people, nostalgia is not necessarily a nice word. It is a word of many truths and pains that haunt your very existence every time they find a way to crawl on your back once again. Uncovering every last drop of pain you had hidden under those unrelenting cells that go through every day as if it was their last. Let’s categorize. Let’s generalize. Nostalgia is a feeling.

Nostalgia is a Greek word by origin and the verb of it is “νοσταλγώ” which means “to reminiscence.” It means “to yearn,” it means “to miss.” It’s as if you are incomplete. People got used to saying I’m feeling nostalgic when they just remember an old experience of theirs. You could go all philosophical at this point and say that a person could feel happiness for knowing a person is not in his/her life anymore. I’d say nostalgia should be kept as something meant for dreamers. For the people that look outside the morning bus’s window and into the small droplets of rain while truly what they are seeing are the lost opportunities and people they haven’t seen in a while. Even more, the feelings those people gave them. Missing a feeling is something I would not describe as happy. As humans, we are meant to feel things, we are meant to experience feeling every day of our lives. Otherwise. We become empty.

Quoting Wikipedia (best. source. ever.) : “The word nostalgia is a learned formation of a Greek compound, consisting ofνόστος (nóstos), meaning “homecoming”, a Homeric word, and ἄλγος (álgos), meaning “pain, ache”, and was coined by a 17th-century medical student to describe the anxieties displayed bySwiss mercenaries fighting away from home.”

“Nostalgia” by MONO, played live. My favourite song ever.

I could say so much about missing feeling in your everyday life, but I continuously try to restrain myself from talking about it. I come from a southern country where I can’t wake up and NOT say good morning to my neighbor. Having spent so much time abroad now, I can see the differences, thoroughly. “Feel” them if you must. But there’s a fine line on talking about it and not insulting other cultures while doing so.

But back to our point. Wait, what was the point… I totally lost my flow of thought in my effort of finding pretty words to explain nostalgia. Well my point was to talk about how one can have feelings of missing feelings. Damn, that’s hella deep. Well, that’s pretty much nostalgia, but what I’m talking about here is more the feeling of feeling empty rather than the nostalgia itself. Having been away from my country for quite a long time lately, it doesn’t feel “like yesterday” anymore that I was in Thessaloniki drinking tea with my good friend Spiros and if that isn’t enough, I don’t have many things to remind me of home here. It’s different.

It’s not empty though. Don’t mistake my words and say that I am saying that people are empty here. No, they are full. Not as full, but still, full in their own way. I am not saying that it isn’t enough either. I am not judging my surroundings and in any case, I would be the handicapped of feelings here if I was to say that they are not adequate for me. Not enough. The Netherlands has people from all over the world, so whatever the culture of the Dutch people may be, you can always find good company and fulfill your every need, feelings-wise.

But it’s a totally different, again, thing to suddenly get that surge inside of you that makes you realize “hey, I haven’t felt like that in a long time.” Seeing a Greek girl and suddenly getting nostalgic about all the things you were once able to feel. No, it’s not love. You can love any other girl in the world just the same, but the one that speaks and acts Greek, acts like home, will just give you that special thing that others can’t. More and more people hook up with other nationalities on a daily basis, and that is more than enough proof for me to realize that love is international. That nostalgia feeling though…f-mixedfeelings

It is a mixed feeling. It is a rapture inside of you that aches to find a way out. It confuses you and makes you seek it out. But should you? That’s the question here. Is it worth it? My definite answer to this is just no.

You shouldn’t. It’s nice. It will exhilarate you of all your troubles and worries for some time. But despite what kind of feelings-trip you want to have, stepping back into the real world will be even harder for you later. It’s like getting knocked everyday in the face and then you call your mom in the end of the day to tell you that everything is going to be alright. As much as that may seem like a solution, you never resort to that and you just stand on your own two feet. Calling your mom should be kept as an option only for the very worst of cases.

Kind of an abrupt end, but allow me to say that these blog/journal entries are not meant to teach you things. They are meant to be just words that put your brain into a thinking state rather than the frozen one it was before. Try to “feel” a bit more and use your brain for it this time. It may sound selfish in some cases to just use logic against your own heart’s feelings but I feel that if we are to survive the oncoming wave of crap that hits us daily, then we do need to start being smart about it.

Oh, I’m also still working on my novel, which I’m glad to say that despite I don’t really have much time for writing, it really helps me break loose from the chains of daily routine. It’s a nice little escape. I’d rather write than do pot. Heh….let’s talk about that next time shall we? I mean, I am in the “land of weed” and I still haven’t talked about it. So it’s about damn time I think.

Not sure if you guys and gals are ready for that yet though.


Till next time my good readers.

-Constantine “Kelfecil” Christakis

Oh and…in reply to one of my readers’ remarks, saying “why don’t you become a philosopher for christ’s sake instead of busting our balls,” I just want to say the following: “Words can inspire and words can destroy. Use yours well.”

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