Guild of Dungeoneering

An adventurers guild, all decked out and fancy.
But that’s not a sight you wish to see.
You’ve set out to make your own.
In an industry completely unknown.
To show those fools who rules supreme.
For now it just appears as a bad pyramid scheme.
But all those thoughts disappear once members start appearing.
In this ‘Guild of Dungeoneering’.

While pondering my existence in my cell for failing to appease the dark lords, i came up with that little poem verse to describe the game that this whole thing is about, that of course being the ‘Phoenix Wright remastered collection’… wait, what do you mean it’s not that, what the hell is the gills of dungeoneering, oh guild. Well i guess this is actually about the game ‘Guild of Dungeoneering’ (obvious joke setup is obvious).

Guild of dungeoneering is what i assume it is like being a DM for a group of tabletop gamers. All you do is try to build the world around your adventurers, placing monsters and loot all throughout the dungeons, all the while your adventurers ignore you and aimlessly wander around and then end up with so many de-buffs not even 6 months of P90X could fix it. (“buff” being both a term for a bonus trait in an RPG but also a word to describe muscular people, P90X is a personal training service to help lose weight… the best jokes are the ones you have to explain.)

ART STYLE!!! This game has one of those, and it’s what i would call neat. It reminds me of being bored as all hell during maths class and attempting to draw things in my workbook as opposed to actually paying attention to anything else. But the key difference here is that this actually looks good, unlike my work that I can only describe as garbage supreme. All of the dungeoneers have different classes that are just plain silly, from the cat burgler that always makes purr-fect puns, to the bruiser who is basically an english soccer hooligan. All of this wrapped up in a neat package by the bard, who will constantly chime in to give little rhyming verses about what you’re doing, it’s like if the narrator form ‘Darkest Dungeon’ all of a sudden was a comedian.

And now that the energy drink i had just wore off i can calm down and talk about the gameplay. This game makes use of a deck of cards that is randomly chosen each round for you to create the dungeon, you are given an objective for this dungeon and using the random loot, enemies, and rooms, reach and complete the objectives. But, that’s the problem, the RNG (which stands for ‘Rudely Nude Gremlins’ or ‘Random Number Generator’ you can choose) makes getting around the dungeon tedious. When you have to place down loot to get your soon-to-be-corpses to shuffle around to the room with the big ol’ bad boys, and then they simply miss that room to go and get yet another de-buff that causes their health to go down every round in combat as they have now caught fire, is an all too common experience.

Now for the combat. Turn-based, card deck,  you never get what you need. Every dungeon always has enemies that contradict your chosen walking punching bag, such as one dungeon having only magic attacking enemies when i choose a character with no magic defense, only to start the same dungeon again with a character better equipped for magical foes only for them to say goodbye to the magic and hello with muscles.

I guess the best way to end off this review, is the same way it started…

I played, and I enjoyed.
Most negatives I could avoid.
But they came crawling back.
And never stopped their attack.
The unknown causing problems.
Not just from the amount of goblins.
This guild crumbles from it’s failure.
But what do I know, i’m just some nerd from Australia.

“This game has a lot of charm, and i can respect that. But the randomness of the gameplay makes it not reach that peak that i think it could.”

+ Brilliant art style (man i say that alot)

+ Comedic twist that i can absolutely get behind

+ When everything goes at least 60% well it is great fun

– RNG makes it hard to progress

– Has spiders

– Characters seem to completely ignore the task, even when i place loot like a trail of bread crumbs for them

– The chance that things go at least 60% well is about as likely as anyone getting enjoyment from my work, slim but might happen once or twice.

Score: 5.5/10

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