Journal: Being ok with being a geek

> Journal Entry 01.

-> Song on infinite repeat for the writing of this article was : Elliot Smith – Between The Bars

I’ve spent my last few days worrying more about what I can do for the European Netrunner community, rather than what I should do with my studies, but it keeps coming back to me that I should focus on both and not just one of the two. The organizing of things for the Dutch NR community has pumped my interest so much that I can’t even begin to imagine how far it can go when we launch the European website for the European NR community. I am already in contact with about 12 other TOs from countries in Europe and things are looking swell for now. This excitement only gets better as an overall experience though, the more time I spend with people from the community itself. You learn to love people around you when you hang around with such nice people of different ages.

To expand on that, I spent the last weekend in Aachen in order to attend a NR draft event on Saturday at Falko’s store and the Euregio tournament on Sunday (which was also, amazingly organized, by Falko). I went there by car with my best friend Robert and a bunch of other peeps from Eindhoven and all I can say about it is that it was a blast and just like any other time I spent time for NR, it turned out to be way better than I ever expected it to be. Despite the fact that I crashed the draft tournament and won my first NR tournament ever (which is something I am still REALLY FREAKISHLY excited about) and the fact that I flopped at the Euregio the next day, I enjoyed the trip because of the people. Being around that bunch of people made me realize once again that age difference is something that doesn’t really matter when it comes to enjoying things you love with other people that do so too. Being a geek has no age and that’s basically the point I’m trying to reach. Oh and the humour was of such an academic level some times that I believe it’s a rare thing to find people to be able to make such jokes with.

Another cool guy from the Dutch NR community today posted a picture on facebook that made me ponder on the geek-related thoughts even more.

When I first read it, I thought to myself “well that’s what any geek would say to defend his extensive amount of hours spent on things that don’t really matter to most people” but then you start connecting it to yourself and what you do and you realize that being totally different than the rest is ok, because that’s what everyone is trying to do more or less without feeling unconnected to the rest of society at the same time.

How emotionally reassuring is that though? If you keep having to consider if your “geekiness” is accepted or not by other people thus leading to the point where you feel the need to sometimes post it on facebook or so, then is it really worth your time? Let me note here though, that you should never stop loving what you do, whatever that might be. If it makes you feel good, keep doing it and don’t give a shit about what other people have to say. It sounds really cliche but it’s true. ¬†Wouldn’t be a cliche otherwise, would it?

I spend quite a few hours every week speaking with new people, for work, for uni, for personal interest, and despite the fact that I’m quite comfortable with having a conversation with pretty much anyone (yes, anyone), I always end up having to change how I socialize with each and every one. Most people call it adapting to the standards and expectations of the other person in order to be liked and be able to socialize properly. I call it a personal defense mechanism. Why? Well I’ll tell you why.

Let’s take the case of speaking to a new girl (which happens quite often lately), you would introduce yourself and start talking about personal interests and hobbies. Yap, you see where this is going. You end up getting to the point where you want to mention your interests and hobbies but you are not sure if the other person will find them interesting or even more, if he/she will judge you upon those. Up to this point, you are just asking to be liked, but what comes after is the so called defense mechanism I mentioned. As soon as you see the other person’s reaction to what you just mentioned, you start getting defensive in the conversation, trying to prove even in some cases that your interests are something “good” or “cool” and shouldn’t be frowned upon.

The fact that I liked this card game more than chess says a lot on its own.

You suddenly reach the point where you stop caring about what the other person thinks about you, just because he/she wants up to your standards with enough open-mindness in order to accept your own lifestyle and/or personality. This happens quite often when your job AND your interests are quite close since in most of those cases, you are probably an artist or something alike. For me personally, I find it hard sometimes to make the other person realize that what I do for a job is something that I actually take really seriously. Just like when you tell people you play guitar and they picture as one of the billion people that play guitar for fun, it’s hard to make them realize the differentiation. I only know two people that take me seriously on that matter and that’s my friends Robert and Richard. Robert because we constantly have conversations and he gets to hear me nag about all the little problems I face in my everyday routine and Richard more because of the fact that he saw how many things I have to do and having compared it to his own enjoyment for video games for example, he realized things quite fast.

So, what do you do with the people that are not “like you”? Do you see past the little things that just don’t meet up? Do you try to make them realize it? Do you keep looking elsewhere? Well my answer for all these questions comes in the form of a saying; “Everyone is different and special in his/her own way.”

Do I really believe that? Yes.
Do I see that in people I meet every day? No.
Whose fault do I believe that is? Theirs.

People struggle to fit into social circles in order to be part of something and thus feel “accepted” despite their little quirks now and then. But fuck that. Those quirks should be their main focus. No, I am not here to dictate to you how to live your life, but more to shake you up and tell you that you are amazing when you are more yourself. Sure, it’s hard to focus on every day life when you have people pointing fingers at you, but fuck them, be happy with yourself and trust me when I say that; you’ll find way more true friends and good lovers if you do that.

Before I close this though, I want to mention “Tinder”. Yes, the dating app. What do I think about it? It’s controversially and ambiguously something that actually works well for its purpose. I can’t really form a good opinion yet since I’m only about to go out on my 2nd date but thus far the experience is horrid. If I was dissapointed one bit about my generation and the ones coming after me, I’m even more now. The way people present themselves in order to be “liked” is just scary to say the least. I do believe that even though I’m not the most good looking of people (Robert assures me of that on a daily basis to keep me honest), only 1 out of 25 girls are in there to “casually” date people. Everyone else is there with standards that were created by the media that have been implanting idols and shit in their minds for the past…..since they were born thus making it more difficult to still feel unique when you’re trying to appeal to them. The people that fit into the category that you would call “mainstream”, but damn, that’s one hell of a huge category.

Thanks for the image Robert…

Is it hard to look past that though? Is dating via an app and with such a shallow and direct way bad? Am I too freakin’ old-school for saying all that? Well I am sorry for not liking people that judge books from their covers.

So here ends the first entry to my wannabe-journal. It didn’t really feel like a journal entry, but whatever, screw the norms and the forms, this is my blog, I’ll do whatever the hell I want. If you don’t like it, go to some other blog where they talk about how great their first dating experience was via Tinder, because I’ll bet you a bunch of my NR promos that there are tons out there bragging about that one.

-Christakis “Kelfecil” Konstantinos

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